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This is the page where you will fing a shitload of funny stuff and you will laugh your ass off!... at least i hope you do.... hahahhaha... then you won't have an ass anymore
tehehehe...... and yes... so here ya go!
 

Top 10 Reasons Computers Must Be Male

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

9. A better model is always just around the corner.

8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

7. It is always necessary to have a backup.

6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

5. The best part of having one is the games you can play.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

3. The lights are on but nobody's home.

2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

1. Size does matter.

Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded

Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it in?"

Q. What can a bird do that a man can't?
A. Whistle through its pecker.

Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.

Q. Why did God put men on earth?
A. Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Q. Why don't women have men's brains?
A. Because they don't have penises to keep them in.

Q. What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
A The man

Q. What do a vagina, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.

Q. Why do so many women fake orgasm?
A. Because so many men fake foreplay.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One, men will screw anything.

Q. Why do men have a hole in their penis?
A. So oxygen can get to their brains.

Q. What is the thinnest book in the world?
A. What men know about women.

Q. How are men and parking spots alike?
A. The good ones are always taken and the ones left are handicapped.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

On the Second day God says to Adam, "I have some good news... and some bad news." Adam responds, "Well tell me the good news first"
"Alright my son, the good news is I will give you both a brain and a penis... the bad news is I'm only going to give you enough blood to run one at a time"

Q. Three words women hate to hear when having sex?
A. "Honey, I'm home!"

Q. What is the thickest book in the world?
A. "What Men Think They Know About Women"

Q. What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
A. I don't know, I've never seen either one.

Q. Why are gingerbread men the best men of all?
A. They are cute. They are sweet. and if they give you any lip, you can bite their heads off.

Q. What's a man view of safe sex?
A. A padded headboard or fluffy handcuffs.

Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because their mother told them not to play with strangers.

Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
A. Three, if you slice them very thinly.

Q. How can you tell if a man is happy?
A. Who cares?

Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.


Men are like.....Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like.....Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like.....Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

Men are like.....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.

Men are like.....Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.

Men are like.....Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like.....Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like.....Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like.....Parking Spots. All the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.


Mean Chat-up Lines Replies

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually, I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi, Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been give your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this saturday?
SHE: Sorry, I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on, dont be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I cant talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Dont you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
SHE: Yes, thats why I dont go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: Im a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, whats your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, theres no service today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'de die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd die laughing.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'llbe therest of your life- in your wildest dreams

Did you know?..."Ithyphallophobia" is a morbid fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis.

Did you know?...
According to a survey of sex shop owners, cherry is the most popular flavor of edible underwear. Chocolate is the least popular.

Did you know?...
In the Aztec culture avocados were considered so sexually powerful, virgins were restricted from contact with them.

Did you know?...
Marilyn Monroe, the most celebrated sex icon of the 20th century, confessed to a friend that despite her three husbands and a parade of lovers, she had never had an orgasm.

Did you know?...
The average shelf-life of a latex condom is about two years.

Did you know?...
14% of Americans have skinny-dipped with a member of the opposite sex at least once.

Did you know?...
According to a U.S. market research firm, the most popular American bra size is currently 36C, up from 1991 when it was 34B.

Did you know?...
"Formicophilia" is the fetish for having small insects crawl on your genitals.

Did you know?...
Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of any mammal.

Did you know?...
Studies show that women who went to college are more likely to enjoy oral sex (giving and receiving) than high school dropouts.

Did you know?...
A man's beard grows fastest when he anticipates sex.

Did you know?...
In earlier times, masturbation was believed to lead to blindness, madness, sudden death and other unpleasant diseases. Present research, however, shows no connection.

Did you know?...
The female bedbug has no sexual opening. To get around this dilemma, the male uses his curved penis to drill a vagina into the female.

Did you know?...
A man will ejaculate approximately 18 quarts of semen, containing half a trillion sperm, in his lifetime.

Did you know?...
The Geisha of Japan would not perform fellatio because it was considered demeaning for the cultured to do so.

Did you know?...
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Did you know?...
Sex is biochemically no different from eating large quantities of chocolate.

Did you know?...
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

Did you know?...For every 'normal' webpage, there are five porn pages. And heres my
porn page.

Did you know?...The word "fuck" is actually an acronym. It dates back to the Good Old Days, when England was severely underpopulated due to the usual combination of fire/war/plague, and the King issued an official order to... well, fuck, to replenish the population. Hence the phrase "Fornicate Under Command of the King" passed into everyday language.

Did you know?...
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. A pig's penis is shaped like a corkscrew and it is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky...unless of course, you played 'pig-tipping'.

Did you know?...
Males, on average, think about sex every 7 seconds. Females, on the other hand think about sex every....mmmm... where was I?

Did you know?...
The earliest known illustration of a man using a condom during sexual intercourse is painted on the wall of a cave in France. It is dated between 12,000 and 15,000 years old.

Did you know?...
A medical study conducted in Pennsylvania showed that people who have sex once or twice a week have their immune systems boosted slightly.

Did you know?...
A U.S. News and World Report poll found 50 percent agree that it is better to remain a virgin until you marry, and 39 percent felt it's better to have sex with a few different partners before settling down to marry.

Did you know?...
During the 1920s, it was believed that jazz music caused one to permanately lose his sexual inhibitions. It was often banned in many cities. One private company went as far as to sell the elites "jazz proof" furniture.

Did you know?...
All Humans Are 99.9% Genetically Identical and 98.4% of human genes are the same as the genes of a chimpanzee.

Did you know?...
"Venus observa" is the technical term for the "missionary position."

Did you know?...
Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

Did you know?...
Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

Did you know?...
Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up(if you use a condom). It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

Did you know?...
Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

Did you know?...
The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

Did you know?...
Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

Did you know?...
Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

Did you know?...
Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

Did you know?...A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

*80 things to do in a shopping mall*
 
1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.

2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.

3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.

4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.

5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"

6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.

7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsellable.

8. Stomp on unopened tomato ketchup packets at Burger King...

9. ...but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're "astronaut food."

10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from "Dianetics."

11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War II.

12. Ask a salesman why a particular television set is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, "You mean you really can't see it?"

13. Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.

14. Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.

15. Test mattresses in your pjyamas.

16. Ask the tobaccanist if his hovercraft is full of eels.

17. If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.

18. Sprint up the down escalator.

19. Stare at static on a display tv and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture."

20. Ask appliance personnel if they have any tv's that play only in Spanish.

21. Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.

22. Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.

23. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.

24. Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.

25. Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist.

26. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray *them* with your own bottle of Eau de Swane.

27. Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.

28. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.

29. In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, "I see London, I see France..."

30. Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.

31. Play the tuba for change.

32. Ask the Hamond organ dealer if he can play "Like a Virgin."

33. Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.

34. Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will "give you a really wicked buzz."

35. Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have "any giant crap made out of straw."

36. "Toast" plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.

37. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.

38. Ask the information desk for a pram(stroller), and someone to push you around in it.

39. Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing "Saved by the Bell." Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.

40. Hang out in the waterbed section of the furniture department wearing a Navy uniform. Occasionally run around in circles yelling "scratch one flattop!"

41. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leakproof."

42. "Play" the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises.

43. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down.

44. Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they're real.

45. If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on *your* lap.

46. Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say "Domino's."

47. Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.

48. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.

49. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."

50. Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn't turned blue yet.

51. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realise it.

52. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

53. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."

54. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

55. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

56. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.

57. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

59. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.

60. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

61. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

62. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

63. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and mumble, 'It's those voices again'.

64. Go into a fitting room and yell real loud, "Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"

65. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

66. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

67. "Test" the tooth brushes. Afterwards, place them back on the shelves in their packaging.

68. Walk up to complete strangers and say,"Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. and see if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

69. Ride Escalators up and down.

70. Take objects off counters and place them in unsuspecting shoper's baggages.

71. Place "Kick me " signs on unsuspecting mall cops.

72. Trip old people (mean but fun).

73. Unleash a box full of ants in stores.

74. Pretend you are answering to someone very loudley, when people tell you to be quiet yell"Shut up i am talking to the voices".

75. At fast food restaurant areas, show people your scabs, blisters and moles.

76. Well people are about to buy a video game tell them its not so good, the trick is to see how many people you can convince not to buy a game.

77. Ask Mall cops lots of questions(this works well if you have a frined for stealing distractions:} )

78. When someone enters a store, put a sticker on them revieling your the(number)'th customer to enter the store, enjoy your stay.

79. Stand by picture booths, when a couple is about to take a picture, immedialey jump in with a good excuse.

80. Free the animals in the pet store, tell the store owner the voices in your head told you to complete this task


~~19 Things you can do in a bathroom~~
 
1.Stick yor palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,"May I borrow a highlighter?"

2.Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."


3. Cheer and clap loudly everytime somebody breaks the slicence with
a bodily function noise

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"

6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toliet bowl from a couple of feet up, Then sigh relaxingly

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,"Whoa ! Easy boy !!"

11. Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?

13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!

14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"

15. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks

17. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down you "CrossDressors Anonymous"newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"

*50 THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR*
 
  1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

  2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

  3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!

  4. Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.

  5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

  6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

  7. Shave.

  8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?

  9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

  10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

  11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

  12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming!

  13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

  14. Censored by your son.

  15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.

  16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

  17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I've got new socks on!

  18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!

  19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

  20. Meow occassionally.

  21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

  22. Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then sigh and say oops!

  23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

  24. Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.

  25. Holler Chutes away! whenever the elevator descends.

  26. Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.

  27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce You're one of THEM! and move to the far corner of the elevator.

  28. Burp, and then say mmmm...tasty!

  29. Leave a box between the doors.

  30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

  31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.

  32. Start a sing-along.

  33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper?

  34. Play the harmonica.

  35. Shadow box.

  36. Say Ding! at each floor.

  37. Lean against the button panel.

  38. Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons.

  39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

  40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.

  41. Bring a chair along.

  42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: Wanna see wha in muh mouf?

  43. Blow spit bubbles.

  44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

  45. Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a more suitable host body.

  46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

  47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

  48. Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.

  49. Stare at your thumb and say I think it's getting larger.

  50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler Bad touch!

30 Mean things to say to a naked Guy
 
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that....

2. Ahhhh, it's cute.

3. Why don't we just cuddle?

4. You know they have surgery to fix that.

5. Make it dance.

6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?

7. Wow, and your feet are so big.

8. It's OK, we'll work around it.

9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?

10. Oh no... a flash headache.

11. *giggle and point*

12. Can I be honest with you?

13. How sweet, you brought incense.

14. This explains your car.

15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.

16. Why is God punishing me?

17. At least this won't take long.

18. I never saw one like that before.

19. But it still works, right?

20. It looks so unused.

21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.

22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?

23. Are you cold?

24. Only if you get me real drunk first.

25. Is that an optical illusion?

26. What is that?

27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.

28. Does it come with an air pump?

29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.

30. I guess this makes me the early bird.

*21 things you can do on a beach*
 
1. Re-enact the D-Day landings.

2. Build a sandcastle and stand guard next to it, every hour, do the 'changing of the guard' throwing in the occasional "HALT, WHO GOES, THERE?!?!?"

3. Go in to the sea with a lilo and about half an hour later, climb out looking disorientated and say loudly in an Australian accent " CRIKEY COBBER'S, I WAS AT BONZAI BEACH AN HOUR AGO!! MUSTA FALLEN ASLEEP ON ME LILO!!"

4. (An old, but still funny one!) Whilst in the sea, start thrashing about and scream "SHARKS!!!" . Ten minutes later, do it again.

5. (Affective if you're a man). Wear a tight, red swimming costume and run in slow motion in the style of Baywatch, whilst running, flick your hair in an appealing manner.

6. Wear a Penguin costume, climb out the sea puffing and panting, look around and say loudly " OH CRAP! TOOK A WRONG TURNING SOMEWHERE!" go back in to the sea and start swimming away.

7. Bury a hose with water spraying upwards, Tell everyone you dug down to deep and now the beach is sinking.

8. Stagger up the beach in old ripped clothes clutching a matchstick and tell everyone that this is all that is left of your ship.

9. Follow the tide when it leaves and find out where it goes.

10. Practice your ostrich impressions.

11. With some friends, sit in a dinghy wearing German army uniforms, paddle along the shore line and announce" VE TOOK ZE WRONG TURNING, I OPE ZAT VE ARE NOT TOO LATE".

12. with a friend, sing Summer Lovin' in pure Grease style.

13. Dig a hole in the sand and hide in it, when the beach is full, climb out and wearing a prisoners uniform and say "OH, THIS IS'NT MEXICO!!", look back down the hole and say" GO BACK LADS, WE SHOULD HAVE GONE LEFT INSTEAD OF RIGHT!"

14. Have a pebble fight.

15. As the coastguard goes by with his siren on, run along after it happily shouting "ICECREAM MAN! ICECREAM MAN!"

16. Pretend to be a crab, go ahead and nip people.

17. Wear a pirates costume, get someone to dig a hole and say "ARGH ME MATEY'S, WE SHALL BURY THE TREASURE HERE!" and proceed to bury some chocolate coins.

18. Whilst using a pair of binoculars, suddenly shout" IVE FOUND IT!!, ATLANTIS HAS ARISEN!! ISNT IT BEAU......NO HOLD ON, SORRY MY MISTAKE, IT'S THE ISLE OF WHITE, SORRY!"

19. Go around and tell everyone that you have to 'Pay and Display' to use the beach, insist you are the ticket person. Charge a ridiculous amount.

20. Beforehand, place a piece of bloodied meat on the edge of the sea, later go around and ask if anyone has seen your doggie. Say he was playing in the water when you heard someone say SHARKS and you haven't seen him since.

21. Eat sand.

Baby

~:- O

Fat Boy

:- }))

Chef

C=:- )

Drooler

:- ] ~

Frog

8 ) 

Viking

] :- [ 

Bird

: >

Walkman

[:- ) 

Santa Claus

*<:- ) 

Ronaldo

:- B 

Dracula

:- [ 

Angel

0:- ) 

Pig

: 8 ) 

Moustache

:- { ) 

James Bond

;- ) X 

Egg Head

( : ] 

Smoking Man

:- ! 

Bozo the Clown

* : o ) 

Lost Shades 

B :- (

Cool Shades 

8- ) 

Blabber Mouth 

( :- D 

MMMMMM?

:- /

Snob

:< |

Bill Clinton

= : O ]

Batman

B- )

Robin

R- )

Pirate

P- (

ARGH!

:- @

Robot

[ : ]

It's a Secret

:- X

The invisible Man

:- )

Tongue Tied

:- &

Mega Bummer

:- C

Little Girl

8 :- )

Elvis

5 :- O

Abe Lincoln

=| : )=

Boggle Eyed

%- )

Madonna

:- .)

Pipe Smoker

:- ?

Brace face

:- #

So What?

:- |

Fred Flintstone

7:- )

Smiley

:- )

Siamese Twins

( -::- ) 

R.I.P

X- (

Winker

;- ) 

Spooked

= :- @

Ooops

:- * 

Hungover

%- (

Graduate

Q :- ) 

Punk Rocker

- :- (

Little Devil

> : )

Cow

3 :- o

Baboon

: = |

Picasso

%/V

Scuba Diver

_O - )

Dickhead

<= : I

OH!

):- O

The Pope

+ :- )

Goatee

:- ) >

Lady's Man

: P { } O :

Sex

= = { }

French Kiss

: pq :

Phobias- Whats yours?

Definition-A phobia is an intense or irrational or inappropriate fear or an object, person, organism or situation, of a degree that interferes with normal life.

Health and Anatomy
Beards-Pogonophobia
Blood- Haematophobia
Cancer- Cancerophobia
Childbirth- Tocophobia
Cholera- Choleraphobia
Death, corpses- Necrophobia
Deformity- Dysmorphophobia
Disease- Nosophobia
Drugs- Pharmacopophobia
Eyes- Ommatophobia
Faeces- Coprophobia
Germs- Spermophobia
Hair- Chaetophobia
Heart Conditions- Cardiophobia
Heredity- Patroiophobia
Illness- Nosemaphobia
Infection- Mysophobia
Injections- Tryanophobia
Insanity- Maniaphobia
Knees- Genuphobia
Leprosy- Leprophobia
Mind- Psychophobia
Physical Love- Erotophobia
Poison- toxiphobia
Pregnancy- Maieusiophobia
Semen- Spermatophobia
Sex- Genophobia
Sexual Intercourse- Coitophobia
Skin- Dermatophobia
Skin Disease- Dermatosiophobia
Soiling- Rypophobia
Surgical Operations- Ergasiophobia
Syphilis- Sypilophobia
Teeth- Odontophobia
Tuberculosis- Phthisiophobia
Venereal Disease- Cypridophobia
Vomiting- Emetophobia
Wounds- Traumatophobia
Animals & Plants
Animals- Zoophobia
Bacteria- Bacteriophobia
Bees- Apiphobia
Birds- Ornithophobia
Cats- Ailurophobia
Chickens- Alektorophobia
Crabs- Kabourophobia
Dogs- Cynophobia
Feathers- Pteronophobia
Fish- Ichthyophobia
Flowers- Anthophobia
Fur- Doraphobia
Horses- Hippophobia
Insects- Entomophobia
Leaves- Phyllophobia
Lice- Pediculophobia
Mice- Musophobia
Microbes- Bacilliphobia
Parasites- Parasitophobia
Reptiles- Batrachophobia
Snakes- Ophidophobia
Spiders- Arachnophobia
Trees- Dendrophobia
Wasps- Spheksophobia
Worms- Helminthophobia


Inanimate Objects
Books- Biblophobia
Crystals- Crystallophobia
Glass- Nelophobia
Machinery- Mechanophobia
Metals- Metallophobia
Mirrors- Eisoptrophobia
Missiles- Ballistophobia
Money- Chrometophobia
Needles- Belonophobia
Pins- Eneteophobia
Points- Aichurophobia
Slime- blennophobia
String- Linonophobia

Senses
Being Cold- Frigophobia
Being Dirty- Automysophobia
Being Scratched- Amychophobia
Being Touched- Hphephobia
Blushing- Ereuthrophobia
Cold- Cheimatophobia
Colour- Chromatophobia
Fatigue- Kopophobia
Heat- Thermophobia
Itching- Acarophobia
Noise- Phonophobia
Odours- Osmophobia
Odours (body)- Osphresiophobia
Pain- Algrophobia
Pleasure- Hedonophobia
Sleep- Hypnophobia
Smells- Olfactophobia
Smothering, choking- Pnigerophobia
Sounds- Akoustiophobia
Speaking- Halophobia
Speaking Aloud- Phonophobia
Speech- Alophobia
Sourness- Acerophobia
Strings- Cnidophobia
Stooping- Kyphophobia
Taste- Geumatophobia
Thinking- Phronemophobia
Touch- Haptophobia
Touching- Thixophobia
Trembling- Tremophobia

Groups
Children- Paediphobia
Human Beings- Anthrophobia
Men- Androphobia
Robbers- Harpaxophobia
Women- Gynophobia
Young Girls- Parthenophobia
Clowns- Joeyphobia
Lawyers- Attorneyphobia
Homosexuals - Homophobia
Religion
Churches- Ecclesiaphobia
Demons- Demonnophobia
God- Theophobia
Heaven- Ouranophobia
Hell- Hadephobia
Sacred Things- Hierophobia
Satan- Satanophobia
Sinning- Peccatophobia

Travel
Crossing Bridges- Gephyrophobia
Crossing Streets- Dromophobia
Flying- Aerophobia
Motion- Kinesophobia
Sea Swell- Cymophobia
Speed- Tachophobia
Travelling by Train- Siderodromophobia
Vehicles- Amaxophobia
Walking- Basiphobia

Enviroment
Auroral Lights- Auroraphobia
Clouds- Nephophobia
Dampness, moisture
Hygrophobia
Flood- Antlophobia
Fog- Homichlophobia
Ice, Frost- Cryophobia
Lakes- Imnophobia
Lightning- Astraphobia
Meteors- Meteorophobia
Precipices- Cremnophobia
Rain- Ombrophobia
Rivers- Potamophobia
Sea- Thalassophobia
Snow- Chionophobia
Stars- Siderophobia
Sun- Heliophobia
Thunder- Brontophobia,
Keraunophobia
Water- Hydrophobia
Wind- Ancraophobia

Food & Drink
Alcohol- Potophobia
Drinking- Dipsophobia
Eating- Phagophobia
Food- Sitophobia
Meat- Carnophobia


Situations
Being Alone- Monophobia
Being Beaten-
Rhabdophobia
Being Bound-
Merinthophobia
Being Buried Alive- Taphophobia
Being Looked at-
Scopophobia
Crowds- Demophobia
Ochlophobia
Darkness- Nyctophobia
Dawn- Eosophobia
Daylight- Phengophobia
Depth- Bathophobia
Enclosed Spaces- Claustrophobia
Going to Bed- Clinophobia
Gravity- Barophobia
Heights- Acrophobia,
Altophobia
High Places- Hypsophobia
Home- Domatophobia
Oikophobia
Home Surroundings- Apeirophobia
Night- Achluophobia
Passing High Objects- Batophobia
Poverty- Peniaphobia
Places- Topphobia
Public Places- Agoraphobia
Strong Light- Photophobia
School- Scholiophobia
Shadows- Sciophobia
Sitting Idle- Thaadophobia
Solitude- Eremitophobia
Eremophobia
Standing- Stasophobia
Standing Upright-
Stasiphobia
Miscellaneous
The fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth- Arachibutyrophobia
Certain Names-Onomatophobia
Dirt- Mysophobia
Disorder- Ataxiophobia
Draugts- Anemophobia
Dreams- Oneirophobia
Dust- Amathophobia
Electricity- Electrophobia
Everything- Pantophobia
Failure- Kakorraphiaphobia
Fall of Man-made
satellites-
Keraunothnetophobia
Fears- Phobophobia
Fire- Pyrophobia
Flashing- Selaphobia
Flogging- Mastigophobia
Ghosts- Phasmophobia
Graves- Taphophobia
Ideas- Ideophobia
Imperfection- Atelophobia
Jealousy- Zelophobia
Justice- Dikephobia
Marriage- Gamophobia
Monsters- Teratophobia
Music- Musicophobia
Names- Nomatophobia
Narrowness- Anginaphobia
Neglect of Duty-Paralipophobia
New Things- Neophobia
Novelty- Cainophobia
Nudity- Gymnophobia
Number 13-Triskaidekaphobia
One Thing- Monophobia
Punishment- Peniaphobia
Responsibility- Hypegiaphobia
Ridicule- Kategelophobia
Ruin- Atephobia
Rust- Iophobia
Shock- Hormephobia
Stealing- Kleptophobia
Void- Kenophobia
Weakness- Asthenophobia
Words- Logophobia
Work- Ergophobia

Reasons why Scooby Doo was a drug-influenced cartoon....

 
1. Scooby and Shaggy were always being freaked out by ghosts and ghouls, but no one else saw them before Scooby and Shaggy.

2. Scooby and Shaggy always had the munchies.

3. Shaggy always thought Scooby was talking and was the only one who could hear him and understand him.

4. Scooby and Shaggy always fell into the trap that was intended for the monster because they were tripping over themselves and couldn't see where they were going.

5. They were always deluded and warped by thinking they were dressed up in some costumes and entertained the monster.

6. Shaggy always said "like" to the extreme, i.e. "like ZOIKS, Scoob, let's get outta here!!" What's a zoik?

7. Scooby and Shaggy were always the ones in the back of the van (doing who knows what).

8. They drove around in the MYSTERY MACHINE, which had that weird trippy design on it's side.

9. Shaggy and Scooby were always giddy and laughing.

10. Look at Shaggy; the way he dressed, his goatee, etc., 'nuff said.

11. Shaggy's girlfriend was called Mary Jane....

Reasons Why The Bible would be different if written by college students.....

1. 'Blood of Christ' switched from red wine to keg beer.

2. Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning: cold!

3. Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.

4. New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.

5. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.

6. Paul's Letter to the Romans becomes Paul's E-Mail To: abuse@romans.gov

7. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.

8. The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.

9. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like Freshmen.

10. Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement.

Reasons Why E-Mail is like a Male Reproductive Organ....

1. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.

2. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.

3. Those who don't have it agree that it's cool, but not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

4. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it (e-mail envy).

5. It's fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

6. In the past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most people today use it for fun.

7. If you don't apply the appropriate measures, it can spread viruses.

8. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more difficult to think coherently.

9. We attach an importance to it that is greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

10. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into trouble.

11. Play with it too much and you can go blind.


Reasons Why I'm so tired...
For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, exercise, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason;
I'm tired because I'm overworked. Let me explain...

  • The population of the United Stated is 239 million. 106 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
  • There are 83 million who are under-age or still in school, and 3 people who are still working on their PhD's since the 50's, which leave 49.99997 million to do the work.
  • Four million, four hundred ninety nine thousand, nine hundred seventy are in the Armed Forces, which leaves forty five and a half million to do the civilian work.
  • Of this there are 29.4 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 18.5 million to do the work. Half that many work for State and City Governments, and leaving 1,400,000 to do the work.
  • Now, there are 895,798 people in prisons, so that leaves 504,202 to do the work.
  • There are 504,200 people being treated in hospitals, at doctor appointments, or on sick leave today. That leaves just two people to do the work.
  • You and me.

    ...and you're sitting there playing around on the internet.
  • ::waddle waddle waddle::